Tuesday, 30 August 2011

*womp womp womp*

I don't blog often, anymore.  The reason for that is I started back at work (after being on maternity leave for a year), and simply put -- there just aren't enough hours in the day.

I foresee this post as being a total 'Debbie Downer' kind of entry, so if you're not in the mood, I suggest you stop reading now...

The past month has been hard for me, in pretty much every aspect of my life:  
Work is shit.  The hours are shit.  I'm completely frustrated with my position and the lack of appreciation I receive for the amount of work that I do.  I'm currently exploring different options, as I've come to realize that retail is simply not for me.
Due to my wacky work schedule, I've completely fallen off of the 'weight loss' wagon. COMPLETELY fallen off.  I eat crap, and I rarely have time to prepare healthy meals for my family.  I've gained back the weight that I so proudly lost, a few months back.. my clothes do not fit me and I'm suffering from a major case of muffin top.
My physical appearance has made me overly self conscious and has caused me to lose my self-esteem.  I have started doubting myself in all areas, including my business.  I no longer feel creative and/or motivated to be creative.  
My infant turned into a toddler overnight -- an un-controllable 14 month old BOY, that never seems to know what he wants at any given time of the day.  He's so much work, and I just can't keep up.  I'm overly impatient with him and am certain that my frustrations are what's causing to him to be the way he is.  The vicious circle is in constant rotation.
My husband and I finally decided that we're going to start the (long) process of moving down to the U.S.  The application process has been brutal and I lost steam as soon as I hit my first road block.  I've gone back and forth in my mind, and haven't 100% settled on the idea of selling my gorgeous home and leaving my beautiful daughter, to live in Unstable-Economy-U.S.of A. quite yet.  Some days I think it's a great idea, and most days I think it's not.  
I continue to over-fill my mind with more ideas and scenarios than I can keep track of.  This is making my head spin and I'm finding it challenging to focus on a single task.  
I feel like I'm going bonkers.

It's true what they say about people who have nothing good to say about anyone, because they are unhappy with themselves.  I'm finding myself to be overly critical and opinionated of others as of late, and can't seem to find an ounce of excitement in me, for anybody's 'good news'. 
*Woopty-Doo* seems to be a recurring phrase in my head on any given day.

So there you have it -- a much needed vent post.  Because not everyday can be flowers and butterflies.  I'm sure other bloggers out there have bad days (or weeks, or months) but choose not to share them.  
Staying true to myself is more rewarding than pretending that my life is perfect and craft-filled with angelic children playing by themselves in a corner while a batch of rolled sugar cookies bakes in the oven.
If only life could be like that.

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