Sunday, 28 October 2012

Yaya Monster

Wow.  If I thought that Brian leaving the country was hard...or that selling my house was hard -- heck, if I thought pushing a baby out of my body was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life, I thought wrong.
Today, I experienced heart ache at it's absolute finest.  Today, I had to say goodbye to my baby girl, Xierra. *ouch*  If you know anything about this girl, you'll know that she is probably one of the brightest and most mature 8 year olds you'll ever meet in your life.  Very respectful and extremely grown up.

We did something tonight, that we have never done before -- we held each other tight and cried together.

In that moment, I saw a side of her that I haven't seen in a long time.  I saw my sweet, sweet little girl, sad and vulnerable, crying her eyes out uncontrollably at the thought of her mommy leaving.  It was heartbreaking but also comforting to know that she still exists.  Behind that advanced intelligence and maturity, she's still just a little girl, after all.  And that just makes me love her even more.
As difficult as it is to leave her, I'm confident that she's going to be okay without me...for a while, at least (puberty will be a whole other challenge, but we'll figure that out when we get there...)
For now, I just have to trust that her dad will take good care of her, and know that I can communicate with her easier now, than ever before.  (Thank you Apple!)

My little Yaya Monster -- your smile brightens up my day, and your laugh can carry me through the darkest nights.  Know that I will love you always.  No matter how many miles are between us, we will forever be connected. You will always be my baby girl.  Thank you for being as sweet as you are.  Never change.

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